My Cousin died yesterday, he was just one month younger than me. We lost touch years ago after his wife died and my marriage ended, but our childhood was closely linked together as cousins, but I had a special bond with Clem.
I can still see him arrive ahead of his parents eager to race them to the door to visit. He seemed in a hurry to experience all that life offered. It was all good back then, plenty of love good food, and lots of play time. He had a good imagination, a great sense of humor, and he was a bit wicked. When Clem was around there was plenty of action. My uncle would call him when it was time to go home, and Clem would run and hide, however his father who adored him, would take it all in fun, but at the same time I know where he got the name tiger from. In my mind I see my poor Auntie trying to comb his unruly hair, and seeing it stick up where it wanted to go. I would laugh, he was fun, and I miss the fact I won’t see him this side of eternity.
It’s time to say goodbye, to the good and bad of my life, to let go and allow God to deal with the pain of the trauma of abuse and rejection. I thought I was healed over the years many times, but the struggle remained and I had learnt to deal with my insecurities and fears. I was doing my part, and thought this fear I experienced was something I did to myself or that I was just a worrier.
Last night in a healing meeting, just before we were to have a coffee and chat, one of the leaders called for the lady with a spirit of fear. My husband turned to me and said is that you, and I just shrugged, I was past the point of believing God would take it away. I know it’s not wise to be quick to say no, because if it is God he will find a way to bring the subject up again, so in obedience I went forward for prayer. The Pastor who prayed was spot on with what he said, and this prayer was not like all the other times. I know it was right and God will continue to minister his healing through the Holy Spirit.
This morning I thanked God. Although it seemed the wrong time to be dealing with this issue when I was grieving, it was God’s timing and he was in control. Yes I had given up on God dealing with it, but God surprises us at times, and he must have a good reason to bring it about.
I have learnt a valuable lesson this week, we can never say never with God, and even when we are battle weary and not prepared in the spirit, God’s grace is perfect for every part of our journey.
not to give up His healing comes at just the right time if that is God’s plan and purpose for your life.
Be encouraged but wait on the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart.
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